


Looking for knives; looking for blooms

by orphan_account



Category: Naruto
Genre: M/M, Tiny bit angsty, Vignettes, non-linear
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-31
Updated: 2019-10-31
Packaged: 2021-01-15 13:43:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21254309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Hatake Kakashi does not know when it had really first begun, but somewhere along their storied past, he finds himself thinking –oh, I think I have fallen for you.





	Looking for knives; looking for blooms

1.  
Hatake Kakashi does not know when it had really first begun, but somewhere along their storied past, he finds himself thinking about a lot about Maito Gai.

Maybe it was when he was in ANBU, and the few times when Gai would join on his missions. Maybe it was when he would grimace in pain on these missions, less so from injury, but more so from the thought that Gai would have to witness the darkness and secrecy that often engulfs him. Maybe it was when he finds himself thinking about Gai’s deep rumbling laughter, and oh, what sweet sweet reprieve it brings to his ears.

Maybe it was that when Team Choza had taken on a particularly tricky mission to the Mist. Maybe it was when he felt the righteous anger that boiled deep in his belly, when he overheard others scoff at the news of Maito Dai. Maybe it was when he finds himself holding a weeping Gai in the early hours of the morning, whispering over and over again, “It’s okay”, but thinking, _I hate seeing you like that._

Maybe it was when he yelled in frustration at Gai, when he first learnt that Gai could open the gates too. And then feeling immensely confused as to why he was angry in the first place. Maybe it was when he felt the same anger, when he learnt that Gai had taught Lee the very same jutsu. And then coming to a realisation as to why he had been angry in the first place.

Maybe it was when the smell of fresh earth after the rain had started to remind him of Gai, in particular about that one time when Gai had him pinned to the ground after a spar on a rainy day. And instead of fighting back, he begins to think that victory is a lot better when Gai calls it. Maybe it was when he noticed how Gai’s hair had been slicked back due to the rain, and how he really really wants to run his finger across the exposed cheekbones. Maybe it was when Gai had begun to pull away, and he instead pulled Gai down for a kiss.

Hatake Kakashi does not know when it had really first begun, but somewhere along their storied past, he finds himself thinking – _oh, I think I have fallen for you._

But he does not say it out loud, not to the ghosts around him, and certainly not to Gai.

2.  
Hatake Kakashi watches as Maito Gai takes his battle stance – one hand outstretched, the other hidden. As the moonlight casts upon Gai’s silhouette for one last time, he feels his heart clenches for the first time in a very long time; this time, Gai was saying goodbye.

Soon, blue turns into red, and in a blaze of glory, red into ash. The end of the world could have been averted, and life could go on after the war, but in the depths of Kakashi’s heart – he knew that was not a life he would have desired. He finally concedes, a little too late. 

He watches as Gai falls back down into the earth, his body suddenly so small against the expanse of the sky. The last flames of the Eighth Gate was slowly flickering into black. 

“I’m sorry,” so far away in the battlefield, Hatake Kakashi can only say this only to himself. “I’m sorry I never told you.” _Maybe in another life,_ if I am lucky, _I will find you again._

3.  
Hatake Kakashi hates the hospital with a passion. These days however, as life starts to breath into Konoha again, Kakashi finds that there is only one person who he wishes to spend his time with.

Maito Gai, against all odds, survived. And right now, Gai was awake and doing light stretches on his hospital bed. It was always an amusing sight for Kakashi to walk in on.

Today, like many other days, they lie side by side on the tiny hospital bed, talking about anything and everything. Anything and everything but this specific moment, about what they were. Kakashi thinks that it was an implicit understanding between him and Gai, forged after years and years of rivalry and camaraderie. But Kakashi also thinks that Gai is one of the only good things about this world, one of the reasons why he took up this job that he hates in the first place.

So Kakashi stops mid-sentence.

“I‘m so tired, Gai,” Kakashi says, as he takes Gai’s hand gently into his.

“What are you talking about? You‘ve only been Hokage for one week! Getting lazy, Rival?” And right on cue, Gai responds with his usual brand of exaggerated exasperation, one that Kakashi over the years have come to recognise as Gai’s way out for him. If Kakashi is uncomfortable with expressing his concerns out loud, Gai is happy to accept Kakashi’s thinly-veiled nonchalance as “cool” and “hip” reactions from his beloved Rival. If Kakashi does not want to confront a difficult situation, Gai will pretend that he does not even see the difficult situation in the first place. And for that, Kakashi is always grateful.

“You’re always so nice, I don’t know why. No, I know why. But you’re so nice, you always pretend to not know what I am saying to give me a way out,” Kakashi says quietly. “Maybe you shouldn’t do that anymore.”

Gai does not respond, he just looks at Kakashi, waiting for Kakashi to continue. Always so patient and always so warm.

“I’m tired of running, Gai. I’d like to marry you, if that’s okay with you.” And for once, Hatake Kakashi made sure to be very clear. Maito Gai, the most honest man he has ever known, deserved at the very least his honesty, and later whatever other romantic things he could give.

Gai lets out a quiet sigh, but it was a sound of fondness. He drew Kakashi into a hug, and said, “My beloved Rival, you should know that you’ve already had me for a long time now.”

**Author's Note:**

> Title is reference to the song “Looking for knives - DYAN”. 
> 
> I have not seen Naruto in its entirety, but I love them very much and I’ve written this, in bits and pieces, over some time now. It is also my first fic here (hello!) If it is riddled with typos, I apologise; but I hope you liked it :)


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